Great question. Glad to comment.

The command in Exodus 20.12 about honoring one's parents presumes that they are acting in a godly way. The command doesn't apply when the parents are mentally and physically abusive. Honoring one's parents is a key to social stability, and recognizing legitimate norms of authority is necessarily for the success of society. That's what the command is about. The Bible teaches that all authority is delegated by God, and therefore is never absolute in and of itself. The idea behind the command is that godly parental authority on earth is a manifestation of God's goodness and authority in heaven. It's the same with government. But when government leaders turn evil, and when parents act in evil ways, God repudiates them. Giving honor is to say that someone is deserving of respect, attention, and obedience. A life that does not back up one's "honorable position" (parent, governor, policeman, teacher) is hypocrisy in the highest form, and honor is no longer appropriate.

We're supposed to honor our parents (who presumably are acting honorably) so that we learn to honor God (who is absolute good). If we learn how to rightly submit to just authority, it translates into our relationship with God. Parents are supposed to be the visible representatives of God for the exerting of authority that is righteous. But parents who act evilly lose the right to honor and are worthy of judgment.

Regardless of circumstances? What is your advice to a young adult who has a toxic parent? I.E. - Trying to guilt their children perpetually, or shaming when it is uncalled for an wrong?

Thanks for your thoughts.

Exodus 20.12 was not written to children, but rather to adults. Reverence and respect for one's parents is not considered as optional in Christianity (Eph. 6.1-3).

In Israel, honoring parents specifically pertained to receiving instruction in the covenant so that the covenant benefits might continue for the nation (Dt. 6.7).

Following this line of thinking, the saying would pertain most importantly to the treatment of elderly parents who could no longer participate in the work of the community and therefore could be seen as a burden to their sons and daughters who maintained the household. In short, adult children have a duty to their parents regardless of the circumstances.

Filial piety is basically about showing respect to your parents and returning the favour of them taking care of you by taking care of them when they're old.

The definition of respect for the elderly is rather ambiguous, to say the least, but the general idea in Asian cultures means listening to your parents, making your parents proud, doing good in school and etc.

Since your constituency is predominately westerners, what are your thoughts?