Hello friends. I grew up as a Christian, moving from liberal Methodism of the church I went to as a kid (and where my father was a minister) into a more conservative evangelicalism when I got older. Over the past few years I've drifted more and more from a Christian worldview. I'm currently on a kind of spiritual journey: a few months ago I quit my job and started selling off a lot of my possessions, in the pursuit of a more simple life that isn't based around possessions and material gain. I decided I wanted to honestly question all of my beliefs about life, and to discard any I couldn't reasonably defend. This weekend I started to think about the beliefs I grew up with and have supported for most of my life so far (I'm currently 34) and came to the conclusion that they just don't make sense. Here are the conclusions I have reached. I think that if these are now my beliefs, it is no longer right to call myself a Christian.
There is no incontrovertible evidence that a personal God exists, who listens to and answers prayers, is interested in human behaviour or moral codes and intervenes in the natural order of the world. This is to say, my position is now agnosticism, not atheism. I don't think that atheism is any more or less warranted than theism: there simply is not enough evidence for or against the proposition that God exists.
Christianity in any form generally proposes that God has a certain plan for the creation. Part of this involves following certain instructions, as laid down in the Bible, or church tradition, or a specific set of teachings or doctrine derived from these. Yet the sheer diversity of ideas and beliefs within Christianity about what it is that God wants suggests that these instructions are not clearly defined. If God has a purpose for us, why not make his instructions clearer? Relatedly, if God exists at all, why leave so much room for doubt? I know that the "free will defence" is likely to be involved here, and/or some appeal to "faith" as filling the gap between belief and knowledge, but I don't find this line of reasoning at all convincing. It would be perfectly possible, for example, for God to demonstrate his existence in a way that could not be doubted by anyone, but still leave us with the capacity to choose to follow or not follow his instructions.
The entire edifice of Christianity allows far too easily for self-deception. I don't believe that this is a deliberate conspiracy by religious authorities, just that it is a kind of historical accident. For every sensible question that can be asked, there is a ready-made Christian answer that only obfuscates the issue, but doesn't really address it. I'll give you some examples:
a). Prayer. Prayer is generally understood as a communication between the believer (or group of believers) and God. Usually this involves human language: Jesus teaches his disciples the words of the Lord's Prayer, for instance, and says that this is how they are supposed to pray. However, God does not respond verbally to prayers. There is no evidence that God has ever actually, literally, spoken to anyone using human language. Many people feel that God has spoken to them, but this is almost always described as personal, internal experience, and not something that can be shared or independently verified. Here the capacity for self-deception comes in. We all know how easy it is to lie to ourselves, to convince ourselves that something happened, or is true, when really it isn't.
Another problem here is the answers to prayers that God apparently sometimes gives. People have done all sorts of appalling things based on the belief that they are following instructions from God, even when their actions directly contradict Christian morality: when a psychotic person commits a murder, for example. Examples of this sort of thing are not hard to find.
Finally, there is the response to this criticism that "sometimes the answer is no". This, it seems to me, is a cop out, making the efficacy of prayer an unfalsifiable hypothesis. When things do go the way you want, God has answered your prayer; when they don't, God has answered your prayer, but said no. How then is there any room for the possibility that sometimes God doesn't answer prayers? The facts are also perfectly consistent with the hypothesis that God doesn't exist at all, and therefore never answers prayers.
b). The problem of evil. Every Christian has to grapple with this. The quantity of human suffering in the world is enormous, greater than is even emotionally possible to grasp. Appalling things happen every day: child abuse, terrorist violence, war, starvation, illness and death on a massive scale. If any of this is punishment from God, then in almost all cases it appears to be grossly disproportional to any sin that could have been committed. Thousands of children die of starvation every day, for instance. A person walks into a night club with a gun and kills 50 people for being gay - to give just one recent example among hundreds (due, apparently, to a religious belief of his own that God somehow wants him to do this). Again, all Christian responses to this problem allow for self-deception. (We can't know or understand the ways of God. Perhaps what we think is bad is somehow working for good, to further God's plan. It will all be alright in the end because these people will go to heaven, or be resurrected at the end of time. God needs to allow for evil so that good people can do his work. Evil is not God's fault, it is all caused by human sinfulness. And so on). Once again, all of this is perfectly consistent with the possibility that God does not exist at all. In fact another, more reasonable conclusion to draw would be that God does exist, but is evil, and not the good Christian God that Jesus is supposed to reveal.
This is as far as I've got, but as you should be able to appreciate by now, it doesn't seem possible for me to call myself a Christian anymore. I can only be a deist, or an agnostic. Oddly enough, I still believe that Jesus may well have risen from the dead - I consider the historical evidence for this to be reasonably good, as far as evidence for anything in ancient history goes - but I don't think anything necessarily follows from this. It doesn't prove that God exists, or that what Jesus taught was divinely revealed. It just proves that sometimes weird and unexpected things happen in the world.
I am open to any and all debate on these matters, and will try to engage fairly with any argument you may have against my position. Please, I am not interested in any responses that boil down to, "I will pray for you", and still less to any threats of eternal punishment because of having strayed from the faith. I am interested in ideas, and in what is actually, objectively true.
Thank you.