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[Newbie]

I think I understand a big block I have to taking the jump. I'm happy.

I know part of my happiness comes from the "ignorance-is-bliss" theory. When I got pregnant with my first child, I tuned out of the world. I refused to watch or read the news, or follow politics. The overwhelming, incomprehensible, digusting and irrevocable horrors that happen daily all over the globe just made me want to curl myself in a ball around my baby, cover my ears, and rock us both. "LA-LA-LA-LA...!"

I remember Christianity. It means that everyday you have to live with an awareness of your own despicableness and the terrors around you. And then you have to DO something about it. I don't want to think about it, because it's way too big, and I don't want to wallow in ugly self-awareness because I'm happy with my current status quo. I am not in denial of my faults and sins, but I don't want to spend every day focusing on them in contrast to the holiness of God, spinning around in auto-flagellation. I'm a teacher, a mother, and a concerned neighbor. I give. I teach my children to give. But with Christianity, nothing you do is ever enough. "If you know the good you ought to do, and don't do it, that's sin." So.... that's every single second of every day with every ounce of energy and every iota of possession you should be striving to do the best possible thing for everyone around you, and if you don't, you're guilty, guilty, guilty. Nothing you ever do is good enough, and you're never even sure if what you're doing as you're TRYING to be good is even the "RIGHT" thing. And that's why we need God's grace, because we're incapable of living up to what is expected of us,... which leads us back again to the constant guilt and inadequacy. It's just exhausting. I don't see freedom in that.

[jimwalton]

I’m not a counselor, and I ain’t-a-gonna play counselor with you, but there are some fundamental misunderstandings about Christianity that I would love to wash away.

First of all, I share your disgust with the world and its news. It’s absolutely horrifying what shape humanity is in. My wife’s father left NJ when she was 8 and moved the family to VT to escape what he saw happening in the 60s as the race riots covered the country. Many families here in the US choose to homeschool because they feel they have some semblance of protection from a vicious and destructive world. It’s very possible that you enjoy living abroad as much as you do, not only because it’s a beautiful country, but it is also a remote from the mash of the world. I don’t blame you a bit. And we fear for our children and grandchildren. Much afraid. We want to not only give safe harbor but to shield from the harsh realities as much as we can and as long as we can. I’m with you. You know as well as I that eventually they penetrate, and we cannot insulate forever. We just hope that the world will be kind to them, that they will have the abilities and strength to cope, and that somehow they will figure out not just how to survive, but how to thrive. Dare we be optimistic?

There is a trend right now of Apocalyptic movies, when the world self-destructs, and the remnants must cope with the aftermath. Horrible stuff. Who watches these things????

Before I address that more, though, I want to address your vision of “self” within Christianity: the loathing, ugly self-awareness, focusing on faults and sins, spinning in auto-flagellation. You’ve been thrown in a deep pit here, and I’ve come to rescue you. This line of thinking is SO foreign to real Christianity. PLEASE accept my ladder of liberation. Let me speak to your heart. Nowhere, no-how, no way is Christianity a “Here’s a stick to beat yourself with” faith. Here’s what it is instead:

Here’s the key. You are now set free.
There is no fear here. I have overcome the world.
Come and experience perfect and beautiful love.
Live in the truth.
I have come to bring peace.
I have come to bring hope.
The troubles of the world can’t touch who you really are and will be in Jesus.

Somehow you have gotten the idea that entering Christianity is like crawling into a dark hole and hating yourself. Of course your images have come from the ideas of sin and repentance, but the emphasis on those, in the Bible, is not on the sin but on the life you can walk into. The line from Amazing Grace, “...a wretch like me,” is because he felt that way about himself, having been a slave-trader. In the Bible, Jesus doesn’t emphasize the sin. He says very simply, “Just walk away from that. Now, let me tell you ALL about the kingdom of God!!” His emphasis is on the glory, not the gutter. We Christians (evangelicals in particular) like to grind away about the gutter. Fuggetaboutit. We’re supposed to live in the light, in freedom, in joy, and in happiness. That’s the whole point.

My proofs. Communion, 1 Cor. 11.17-34. “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” The focus is not on ourselves, but on the freedom and forgiveness we are given as a gift. The blood is the new covenant, a new agreement, not focusing on sin, but in our redemption.

Name ONE person whom Jesus focused on their sin. Just the religious hypocrites. Not Zacchaeus, not the woman at the well, not the woman caught in adultery, not the woman social outcast who washed his feet with her hair, not Nicodemus, not centurions or synagogue leaders or ANYBODY. But for someone who understands the truth about a relationship with Jesus, there is no such focus on sin once you come to him.

The WHOLE POINT is not “nothing I ever do is enough,” but “set aside all the doing and build the relationship.” It’s the book of Galatians, the book of Romans, the Mary and Martha story. It’s the Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard. IT’S FREEDOM from all the crap of “I gotta do more.” It’s live in the light of the Lord, not “guilty, guilty, guilty.” You’ve been thrown in a pit and beaten with this stuff, but Jesus came to TAKE AWAY this stuff. He talks about new wineskins and easy yokes and light burdens and life-giving freedom and gifts and life and love and hope. He never says that you have to trade away your happiness for religion. He never says that you have to give away pleasure for guilt. As a matter of fact, he says just the opposite: He promises rest for your soul instead of anxiety and fear.

You need to read the Scripture with new eyes, and I have been trying to do that with you. Jesus so often says, "Just leave that behind. I have something great for you." How can I say this adequately to you, who sees Christianity as a black hole instead of a well-watered garden of green space and beauty? Read Mark, or Luke. Read Ephesians or Colossians. They are WONDERFUL, comic (rather than tragic) literary pieces of hope, beauty, and light. How did you miss all of this? I know—you were in the hole. Please climb out. You’re missing the true world of Jesus. You don’t have to trade away your happiness or your brains, any beauty or any safety. Christianity is not about bludgeoning yourself or exhausting yourself with trying to be as good as a worm.

How can I help you? Genesis 1-11: despite God’s greatness and beauty, man made a mess. Gn. 12: God called Abraham to freedom and blessing, with revelations of himself about how he is going to fix the mess. Joseph: man made a mess, but God shows how he liberates, gives hope and purpose. Moses: despite all the mess, God liberates, gives hope, and a future of blessing. Joshua: despite all the obstacles, God overcomes and gives them a future of blessing and safety. It goes on and on and on. Read it with real eyes, not with seared ones.

Look at what Paul says in 2 Cor. 4.16-17 (well, read ALL of chapter 4—it gushes with life and hope): “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” We are so afraid of forces that threaten to undo, but these verses just shine out of all that darkness. What about Romans 8.37-39? It’s EVERYWHERE. None of all that stuff you wrote about. Wow, I’m so worked up right now. Christianity takes the roof off the house and lets us see an endless wonder; it doesn’t throw us into a cave as the worms of life.

You don’t have to give up your happiness, your family, your art, your appreciation of life and beauty, your quest for joy and peace, or your yearning for family, safety, relationship, or love. You don’t have to wallow, deny, beat yourself up, strive, focus on guilt. I’m GLAD you’re happy. You don’t have to be unhappy to come to Christ, or to trade away your happiness for what’s behind door #2. You know the verse about abundant life (Jn. 10.10). The Gospel of John is just bubbling over with life and light, freedom and glory. When you come to Jesus, you get to keep your happiness. That doesn’t change. The Bible is about what gets ADDED to it: bigger wonder, more beauty, less anxiety, more freedom, guilt gone, forget about all that “doing”, grace, free forgiveness, and so much more. It’s a step UP, not down.

Picture a world of beauty and wonder, happiness and peace, and then you find a a door that leads you into an even larger, more beautiful place of not only outer spectacle, but inner release. That’s what I’m talking about. How can I help you see this world?