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[Noisy Dinosaur]

Is it okay to pray that God would entirely remove my desire for marriage? It is very unlikely (and increasingly less so) that I will ever get married and I don’t want to carry the hurt of desiring something I’ll never enjoy. I just want to completely, totally let go of even the thought of being married, of any hope and desire for it. No idols, no lust, no attempts to address loneliness by seeking a spouse, no family, nothing. But I keep praying that it would be removed from me and this obnoxious desire, the attraction to the other gender, never goes away. Am I supposed to just sit in the tension and grief of being unmarried my whole life or until Jesus returns? Or is there a way I can totally finally let go of this whole thing once and for all?

[jimwalton]

Great question. I can only give you my opinion since the Bible doesn't address this matter. I'm fine to discuss it further, depending on what you think of my answer and what other questions or comments it brings up in you.

Generally speaking, God does not instantly wash away our desires. Occasionally that happens, and you can pray about that, but my expectation would be that's not how God would help you—just by instantly washing it away.

Instead, I would say it's a matter of gradually reorienting your values and your desires—NOT the answer you were hoping for from me. Generally life is lived in the long haul and gradualness, not in instant cures for our requests. If you realize the probability is slim you will ever be married, then of course you'll be finding enjoyable things to do in other areas of life, realizing being a partner with someone is not in the cards, and learning to be content in that. The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 4.11 that he has learned to be content in every circumstance. God didn't dump it on him, Paul had to learn it in the normal way we learn things—a little at a time. He is admitting there was a time when he wouldn't have written this or talked about in this way. After a long time he has come to different way of thinking than he used to think. Learning contentment is a long experience of changing the way we think.

We can talk about this more, but those are my opening thoughts.