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[Redhead]

How do I gain my faith back when I almost lost it all?

It all began when I was 18. I come from a very religious family, my father being a preist. Due to his career, he always forced me to go to church, even though I didn't feel good all the time there. I was raised in this spirit, and I've always felt that something is wrong. When I was like 16-17, I began to read books that treated a lot of other religions, trying to find my way. But I didn't continue this, because of fear.

I was 18 when I realised that I'm following religious actions because of fear. I was always scared that God will punish me, that I will be sent to hell or I will always have a lot of trouble here on Earth if I don't follow the rules. I didn't want to feel like that. I didn't want to fear God, because They said that He is good. That's where my questions began.

1. How can the Father of good send people to Hell, to an ETERNITY of suffering and crying? Why doesn't He forgive them after some time spent in there?

2. Why can't I feel him when I pray? It's like He is not present with me, it's like I'm praying to the walls.

3. Is He present at all? I feel like this absolute freedom that He gave to us is just a way of saying : " I retire from now on, you can do what you want, but if you do me something wrong,you will have to pay." I mean, is this freedom at all?

How do I gain my faith back when I almost lost it all? I can't pray to a God who will send me to Hell if I don't obey. I'm not going to church because I love him, but because I was forced to. How can I know this is all true and not a mass manipulation? Any advice will be helpful.

[jimwalton]

I'm sorry to read that your impression of God brings up fear in you rather than love. As I read the Bible, the parts of God that would cause fear are far lesser than the ones that motivate love in me. The texts are simply filled with God's desire for relationship, His love for people (and for each individual), His watchful care, His readiness to forgive, His pouring out of grace, His abundant provision, and His concern for my (our) wellbeing. Perhaps the first step is to stop obsessing about punishment and re-read the biblical text with eyes to God's overwhelming desire for a loving relationship.

> I will always have a lot of trouble here on Earth if I don't follow the rules.

The Bible is not about rules. These "laws" are about the revelation of God, not "rules" for society or means of salvation. When you read a rule, the first line of thought should be "What does this tell me about the character of God?" Once we understand that, we formulate a general principle about what it told the ancients about God, and then transfer that to what it tells me about God, and on that basis try to apply it to our world and to my life. Those "rules" tell us what a redeemed people under a relationship with God look like.

> How can the Father of good send people to Hell, to an ETERNITY of suffering and crying?

You should know that many Christians don't believe hell is eternal for everyone, but only eternal for people who refuse any other mercy or grace of God. Many Christian scholars feel hell will be fair and just, and that God is really telling us that the punishment will fit the crime, and no more. We know that the Bible teaches us God will be perfectly fair: he will not reward anyone more than they should be, nor will He punish anymore more than they deserve. Hang your hat on that rather than a fear that God is a huge immoral jerk who will punish finite crimes with infinite torment.

> Why can't I feel him when I pray? It's like He is not present with me, it's like I'm praying to the walls.

I don't feel him when I pray, either. I tried that for a long time. I find that God generally doesn't talk to me during prayer. He talks to me when I read His Word. I use prayer to talk to Him. Feelings aren't part of it (for me). Communication is an important part of the relationship.

> Is He present at all? I feel like this absolute freedom that He gave to us is just a way of saying : " I retire from now on, you can do what you want, but if you do me something wrong,you will have to pay." I mean, is this freedom at all?

Of course He's present, but I don't "feel" His presence. The Bible says He's present, and I have reason to believe that, and so I go through my day assuming it. He gave us absolute freedom, but then He put His Holy Spirit inside of us. We have to learn how to hear His voice and respond to His direction.

You treat God as if He's some bogeyman just waiting for you to screw up so He can pounce. It's a very unbiblical concept. The Bible, instead, assures us of God's compassionate forgiveness when we mess up, and His habitual desire to restore us.

These thoughts of your make me wonder what kind of theological upbringing you had (what biblical worldview were you trained in?), and what Bible texts you've read. Maybe you need to read again with different eyes.

> How do I gain my faith back when I almost lost it all?

Start over. Read the Bible with different eyes (looking objectively for ALL it is saying). Pray with a different motive (to talk to God, not to hear from Him). Determine in your soul to find Him and to understand what true Christianity is really all about.

> I can't pray to a God who will send me to Hell if I don't obey.

This is a misunderstanding. God doesn't send people to hell if they don't obey. Hell is for people who reject having a relationship with God and choose to spend life and afterlife in separation from Him.

> I'm not going to church because I love him, but because I was forced to.

If I could venture a guess, it sounds like you were never taught about God's love and have yet to see what that's all about. We go to church out of gratitude and worship, not fear.

> How can I know this is all true and not a mass manipulation?

We assess the truth just as we do anything else: examine all the evidence at our disposal, use every bit of logic we can muster, follow the evidence where it leads, consider our life experiences, and infer the most reasonable conclusion. I've been examining for years, and am convinced it's true. There's nothing about it that smacks of a mass manipulation.

Let's talk more.

[Redhead]

I can really consider your answer the best until now. You really answered my questions speaking in my language, and I thank you for all your words! Somehow, you really convinced me that God is present with me! Thank you with all of my heart!

By the way, I was raised as an Orthodox Christian.

[jimwalton]

I'm glad it was so helpful. I'm glad to talk to you further about these things, or about other matters. Just let me know, and feel free to stay in touch.