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[Polar Fear]

Is pre marital sex, a kiss or the actual thing and does it mean you will never find your soul mate?

Also if you have affection for someone before you meet your husband/wife, without doing anything sexual, is that still a sin and or considered pre marital sex ? Or cheating on your future husband/ wife?

[jimwalton]

I'm not sure, but it sound like your first question is if a kiss is counted as premarital sex. Is that correct? That answer would be no. A kiss between consenting people is a beautiful thing, and there's nothing illicit about it. When the Bible talks about illicit sex, it uses words like πορνείας (Porneias): "fornication, prostitution, every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse, incest." He's not talking about kissing. It also says things like, "The marriage bed should be kept pure" (Heb. 13.4), and "Don't commit adultery." Those things have nothing to do with kissing.

Premarital sex is the actual thing, if that's what you're asking: having intercourse. Yet we're all aware there is all kinds of sexual messing around and sexual expression that aren't technically intercourse. The Bible says very little about such stuff except for things like, "avoid sexual immorality" (1 Thes. 4.3). We should be sexually pure people, not using others as objects, not indulging in practices that lead us to intercourse or even to lust (Mt. 5.28).

Now, it seems like you're also asking, "If I have sex outside of marriage, is that going to wreck my chances to find my soulmate?" No, the Bible never says anything like that. But it's true that having sex outside of marriage will affect your sexual relationship with your soulmate when you meet him or her. Sexual experiences have a way of staying with us, in our memories and in our desires, and when you're having sex with your lifelong spouse, those previous sexual experiences will still be in your brain. They will affect you. It's another reason to avoid them. Save all of it for your spouse so that you have only one sexual focal point, if you want the best sexual relationship possible with your spouse.

> if you have affection for someone before you meet your husband/wife, without doing anything sexual, is that still a sin and or considered pre marital sex?

No, it's not. It's actually quite unusual for someone never to have affection for someone other than their future spouse. And affection is not a sin, nor is falling in love (even with someone who you don't end up marrying). Also, affection is not considered premarital sex. Love is a good thing, and it's not a sin or forbidden.

> Or cheating on your future husband/ wife?

No, have affection for someone before you get married is not cheating on your future spouse. Most of us, if not all, have several loves before we meet the person we want to spend our life with.

[Polar Fear]

Thank you. I read somewhere that a man is allowed to have sex once before marriage and women is not. Is that from a another religion or Christianity?

[jimwalton]

That has to be somewhere else, because it sure isn't from Christianity. I never heard that. That's funny. That's not Christianity, fer sher.