Board index ‹ Sex

[Punk]

Starting off, I am an Anti-Theist Atheist so This doesn't affect me. But after two people are wedded, Can two have sex for pleasure, and not for procreation? If that is the case then that could lead to marrying someone that you dont love. Humans are horny creatures, and forbidding sex until after marriage just sounds cruel. Or Does marriage not matter and you can have sex before marriage.

To clarify, i go to a catholic high school and i do know alot about theology. I've just heard different answers from this question. like it doesnt matter, not before marriage, or just for procreation.

[jimwalton]

Of course we can have sex for pleasure after we're married. Sex is awesome; it's a gift from God. The Bible nowhere says that sex is only for procreation, or that marriage is only for procreation, or that there's something wrong with pleasurable sex. The Bible doesn't say ANY of those things.

> If that is the case then that could lead to marrying someone that you dont love.

It could, I guess, if someone were marrying just for pleasurable sex.

> Humans are horny creatures, and forbidding sex until after marriage just sounds cruel.

Forbidding sex until after marriage is based on understanding what sex is and does, and that if we want the best sex—sex that ties two people together in a permanent bond of love and commitment—we will wait until marriage so that we have the best relationship, the best sex, and the best outcome of sex: two people in a lifelong commitment of deep love. There's nothing cruel about it.

> Or Does marriage not matter and you can have sex before marriage.

Marriage matters. Sex before marriage is wanting the candy and not a balanced diet. Relational health is the goal.

[Punk]

> Forbidding sex until after marriage is based on understanding what sex is and does, and that if we want the best sex—sex that ties two people together in a permanent bond of love and commitment—we will wait until marriage so that we have the best relationship, the best sex, and the best outcome of sex: two people in a lifelong commitment of deep love. There's nothing cruel about it.

Waiting until marriage can be a risk though. Which i understand thats the whole point. Because a permanent bond can break if the spouse is abusive, cheats, they fall out of love, etc. (i say spouse cuz LGBT marriage)

> Marriage matters. Sex before marriage is wanting the candy and not a balanced diet. Relational health is the goal.

That is true but everyone deserves a treat now and then. If someone has a balanced diet and candy that can be like having sex before marriage but with a partner they want to marry. Its like having a bag of doritos or getting mcdonalds sometimes but also sticking to a diet

[jimwalton]

> Waiting until marriage can be a risk though.

There is a risk to everything in life. There are no certainties, no areas that are all "pros" and no "cons." Risk is part of life.

There is also risk to sex outside of marriage. The statistics I have read consistently show that couples who wait until marriage to have sex have stronger relationships and longer lasting marriages. I have read that those who live together before marriage, or those who just live together period, have more propensity to divorce or breakup than those who waited until marriage. It's also true that STDs are on the rise, and every hookup is a risk all by itself.

> Because a permanent bond can break if the spouse is abusive, cheats, they fall out of love, etc.

Undeniably true.

> That is true but everyone deserves a treat now and then.

Says who? And why do you say "deserves"? I say that your partner deserves the best relationship you can give, the best sex possible, and the security and value of your commitment. That's what I say is "deserved." I get the idea that claiming "everyone deserves a treat now and then" is a self-centered approach to sex, and exactly what I'm talking about as inferior to the REAL thing.

[Punk]

That is true but People my age (16-23) are young, and they dont want to get married so early, but want sex. Especially because getting married at a young age is dangerous. I believe only have sex with someone you're dating and never have a one night stand because i respect myself and others.

and regarding STDs, that is very true. Which is why i dont have one night stands and i only have sex with someone im dating. I'm still in highschool and if i get an STD at my age my life would be over. Schools are now teaching about using condoms, Birth Control, and whatnot. and also abstinence but where's the fun in that. Luckily there is alot better treatment for STDs

[jimwalton]

> but want sex.

Not trying to be rude, but just honest: Sounds narcissistic to me, and in my way of thinking, narcissism is not the path to the best sex. The best sex is lifelong, committed, bonding sex that is more concerned with the partner's wellbeing than your own.

> Especially because getting married at a young age is dangerous.

How so? I got married young. It's been WONDERFUL.

> and regarding STDs, that is very true. Which is why i dont have one night stands and i only have sex with someone im dating.

This still doesn't protect you or your partner from STDs. Who knows what you're (or your partners) a carrier of from one dating partner to the next. You're like a wandering land mine. That's what I call dangerous.

> Schools are now teaching about using condoms, Birth Control, and whatnot. and also abstinence but where's the fun in that.

So now you've added hedonism to your narcissism. Fun over responsibility. I would be greatly concerned to be a partner of yours. There is no telling what diseases you are carrying around, and it seems obvious to me you're in it for your own pleasure.

> Luckily there is alot better treatment for STDs

Some there are, and some not. Some you never get rid of. They are with you for life. Some ruin a woman's reproductive system. That's what I call dangerous.

[Punk]

If im narcissistic, then so are most people. believe it or not alot of people have sex before marriage. And that isnt necessarily true about the best sex is lifelong and committed. What if they just suck at sex or are impotent. Yet sex isn't everything, Im more of a romantic kinda guy.
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And im glad you're young marriage is great. i say it's dangerous because (as a teenager/young adult) we're stupid and we make stupid decisions. Some marry at a young age and regret it. But you found the right girl, and im happy for you! honestly, im still trying to find the right girl.
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I know it doesnt stop. forgot to mention i also use condoms for protection.
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I said "abstinence but wheres the fun in that" as a joke. I have an odd sense of humor. Im also an idiot teenager. But i can confirm with you i am not a narcissist. I know because my parents are narcs and I avoid being like them. and Hedonism is odd. Its the pursuit of pleasure but i dont see that as purely sexual. I see that as taking part in activities that give you pleasure. Going on vacations, Buying stuff you dont need but want, Experimenting with Drugs (In a safe and controlled environment, and not the dangerous shit like heroin, meth, coke, etc.)
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And that is true. the HPV vaccine is a phenomenal advancement in medicine. and antibiotics for HIV is also great. Planned Parenthood also provide treatment and support for people with HIV, plus safer sex education.

[jimwalton]

> If im narcissistic, then so are most people.

This I wouldn't know. I've never pursued the statistics.

> believe it or not alot of people have sex before marriage

Oh, I believe it. I'm well aware of this.

> And that isnt necessarily true about the best sex is lifelong and committed.

Well, that this claim has to be supported with evidence. Everything I've seen in terms of studies and statistics show that it is. But I'll be glad to read the studies you want to send along.

> What if they just suck at sex or are impotent

Yep, I'm sure this is true, too. Some people are just bad at it.

> i say it's dangerous because (as a teenager/young adult) we're stupid and we make stupid decisions.

That doesn't make marriage dangerous. It makes stupid people dangerous.

> Some marry at a young age and regret it.

Yes, this is very true also.

> I said "abstinence but wheres the fun in that" as a joke. I have an odd sense of humor.

OK, I'm cool with that. I get jokes, and sometimes that they're hard to see on paper (without the tone of voice or the body language). I get it.

> Its the pursuit of pleasure but i dont see that as purely sexual.

It's not purely sexual, but sex can sure be part of it.

> the HPV vaccine is a phenomenal advancement in medicine. and antibiotics for HIV is also great.

That may be so, but there are over 25 STDs on the planet right now. Back in the 1960s there were only 2 or 3, which shows what "free sex" is doing to our health and to our world. HPV is only one. One of the problems with HPV is that people can transmit is when they don't even know they have it. To me that's quite a dangerous risk. HPV can also cause cancer later in life. Imagine that: you're just having sexual fun as a teenager, and you have sex with someone who doesn't even know they have it (and there is no test to tell), and then 15 years later you get cancer from it. This is dangerous. You could be having sex with your dates and giving every one of them HPV that will take their lives in 20 years.

I say that married sex with one person you're committed to is the best plan.

[Punk]

Im really busy so ill only reply to the STD one. Thats why the HPV vaccine exists. And with the advancement of technology and medicine, who knows, maybe theyll find a cure to cancer, stds, whatever.

Im also not expected to live past 30 according to my doctor so i live a little more of a risky life

[jimwalton]

What I hear you saying is that you don't bother as much to be responsible about yourself, so you also don't care to be responsible about your partners. You're not expecting to live past 30, and so who cares if you pass anything on to them in the process of your enjoyment? Geeeeez...