by jimwalton » Tue May 14, 2019 8:32 am
Great questions. Thanks for the conversation.
> if God doesn’t necessarily intervene, what is the point of grounding ourselves in God when life gets to be too much?
We ground ourselves in God because that is our appropriate station. It is where we were created to be. It is where we find meaning and become whole. It is where we find salvation from sin and true life. We don't ground ourselves in God to necessarily help us with our circumstances, to make life easier for us, or for our immediate benefit. Ultimately, grounding ourselves will work to our benefit (Rom. 8.28), but that's because it is where we were created to be, not because it makes life easier.
When we read the first 2/3 of Hebrews 11, we read all these stories of strength and faith. But then you get to verses 33b-40 and it's a different story. And yet, nothing has changed. God is making us into His image (Rom. 8.29), and that's the point, not our circumstances. God is bringing us to the place where we are achieving our right place in relationship to God (Heb. 11.40). He is teaching us to live above life, to think and act as He thinks and acts (Rom. 12.1-2). It's not to say that all the stuff you are going through and experiencing doesn't matter or isn't hard. It really does matter, and it's really really hard to deal with. But God has a grand picture in mind that suffers with you, redeems you from suffering, uses your suffering to some position of strength (2 Cor. 12.9), and teaches you how to live in a whole different perspective (Phil. 1.20-21; Phil. 3.4-16; 2 Cor. 1.3-11).
> That does help me not resent God on the other hand.
Several years back I went through an extremely difficult time in my life, a horrendously deep and dark depression. I almost walked away from Christianity. I pondered suicide. My anger at God was fierce, and I didn't hold back from telling Him so. I was an emotional mess, a spiritual war zone, and it was affecting me physically as well.
During that time I sought God with an insane intensity. I read the Bible and books like a starving man. I prayed like a madman. The more I read and prayed the worse it got. I was journaling at the time, and reading my entries from then is quite uncomfortable. I was so angry at God, and every day made it worse, until I was ready to kill myself. The more I sought Him and came up dark and empty, the more I resented Him. But I never gave up. I couldn't get around the resurrection (I knew it was true), and so I knew God was real, and so I kept seeking, praying, reading, crying, and screaming. It was the most awful time of my life. It lasted about 3 years.
One day I remember having an observation that both helped me and just about did me in. I had a eureka moment where I realized that all of the thoughts I had been having were lies from the pit of hell. I had been filling my own mind with all kinds of false thoughts that I couldn't escape. That was a light for me in a very dark tunnel. But at the same time I realized that God had let Satan fill my head with all these lies exactly at the time I needed God to be showing me truth. I was angry I could have killed Him. How dare He let Satan fill my head with lies when I was so desperate for truth and health, so needed God and help. Of all the nasty things. And to think I almost left the faith and left this life. But I didn't. God made sure I didn't. I didn't know it, but He was holding me.
From that time on I started having more positive experiences. When I would read the Bible, I'd go, "Oh, I see now." I slowly started to understand and to put pieces together. Over the course of many more months and years, I came to more and more understanding, left the period of depression behind, found the truth about God, and have been growing ever since.
The reasons I tell this story are these: First of all, it turns out that God was at work in my life when I didn't have a clue. At my darkest times, I can affirm (now, though I certainly couldn't see it at the time) that God was there. Second, when I read my journal from that era, I can see that despite the fact that I was going through more horrible stuff than I ever want to know, I can read some really important spiritual lessons I was learning. What I mean to say is that, on reflection as I look back at it, it was both the worst and some of the best times of my life. As far as anything I could see or feel, it was the absolute worst. Horrific emotional suffering. But I'm also aware I probably learned more spiritual truths during that era than at any other time of my life.
So where do I go with that? I never want to go through that again, ever, but it was a time in my life when I probably learned more than I have during the rest of my life combined.
> why would I lean into God when I’m going through a rough time if this is the case?
I hope I've addressed this.
We can talk more if you want.
Last bumped by Anonymous on Tue May 14, 2019 8:32 am.