Board index ‹ Salvation

[Newbie]

Sir, please, I need prayers. I need to get back to Christ. Sir, please help me.

[jimwalton]

I would be glad to help you get back to Christ. Tell me what's going on. How can I help? In Isaiah 19, the people of Egypt have rebelled against the Lord and done godless things. But regardless of what they have done, in Isa. 19.20, when they turn back to the Lord, he welcomes them with open arms. The Lord is always ready to welcome back those who turn to him. 1 Jn. 1.9 says if we repent and confess, he will forgive and cleanse. So tell me, how can I help you, good sir?

[Dickson Solomon]

I get angry easily and I curse my brother. Please, I want to control my temper, but how?

[jimwalton]

James 3.1-12 talks about how difficult it is to control our tongues, which would include both anger and swearing. Speech is a gift to humans, and we can use it either thoughtful or thoughtlessly, humbly or proudly. We can use it to build up or tear down. An African proverb says, "When the mouth stumbles, it is worse than the foot."

Our mouths only say what our grains are thinking and what our hearts are feeling. So when you explode in anger at someone, it shows you were angry in your feelings. When you swear, it shows that your brain was thinking swear words and swear thoughts. When you say something inappropriate to a girl, it shows your head is in the wrong place. Your mouth is just how others find out what's in your head and heart.

James 3.3 tells us that our mouths lead the way. Whatever direction the mouth of the horse is facing is the direction the horse goes. Our heads and hearts is where the problem lies; the things we say just show the problem that's in us. James 3.6 says "the tongue is a fire, a world of evil among the part of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." We have these passions in us, and our swearing and anger is like the match setting the gas on fire. Words give substance to our angers and sin, and set it on fire. By our words we put teeth in our bite. We give expression to the sin and affirm it.

No one can control their tongue by their own power (James 3.8). We need the help of the Holy Spirit. That's what James 3.13-18 are about.

The first step in taming the tongue is to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Rom. 12.2). We have to align our thoughts with God (Phil. 4.8-9) so that what comes out of the mouth is godliness and not ungodliness (James 3.9-12). If we meditate on God and his Word (Ps. 119), he will change the way we think. If we humble ourselves in the sight of the Lord (James 3.13; Ps. 149.4) we may start to stave off the pride and ungodliness that causes the anger and swearing. It is grounding ourselves in the Lord that helps us be peace-loving, considerate, and full of mercy (James 3.17).

So the first step, Dickson, is to start orienting your heart and mind to the Lord in all things.

I'll write more tomorrow.

[jimwalton]

Ephesians 4.26, 29: "In your anger do not sin. ... Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Anger can easily get the best of us and become a habit. We lash at out at other people without even thinking about it, inflicting physical or emotional damage. How can we be angry but not sin? It's a process called "containment."

First of all, be in deep prayer about God helping us, through the Spirit, to break this destructive habit. Then, work on containment. Think about gasoline. Pour a pool of gas on the ground and light a match, and you have an uncontrolled burst and a raging fire. But put the same gas in an engine, and apply the right spark at the right time, and the engine springs to life and accomplishes good. The anger in you gives you great power, but uncontrolled, it will destroy you.

Anger is mostly a self-centered spark, wanting things to go your way, for your convenience, and your comfort. Anything that imposes on you gets blasted with anger. instead, you have to yield your rights to God. Dedicate all that you are and have (opinions, will, values, time, privacy, money, knowledge, future, health, reputation, activities) to the Lord. Ask God to redirect your will, refocus your emotions, and transform your thoughts.

Now look down to v. 29. Let our mouths be a fountain of goodness, constructive works, appropriate words, and gracious words, not just thinking about "me," but considering others as more important than ourselves. What of swear words? We invest them with power. We use them to make our language stronger, but instead they reduce us to elemental communication and toxic anger. Our swearing makes us feel powerful and worldly; it makes us feel like big shots with pride and authority. But what place do any of these have for the Christian? While swearing makes us big shots in the world, it devalues us in the eyes of God, for it grieves him when we seek power and pride. We need to be more humble, more thoughtful, and expressive of the noble, not of what is base. Our words should make the world more holy, not more vile.

[jimwalton]

Changing your habits with regard to swearing and anger are really difficult things to do. After a while such things just become automatic, because you've made them automatic. Practically speaking, what has to happen is that you retrain your mind, which is possible, but not easy. It can happen through concentrated prayer and systematic mental practice. Our brains have the ability to change both their structure and function in significant ways, mostly through repetition. Mental activity, ranging from prayer to teaching ourselves deliberate new patterns, are what make those changes. We become aware of brings out the anger and the swearing, and when it happens we do a retake with what we should have said instead, repeat that a lot, and do that every time the anger or swearing show up. Pray a lot, practice observing your thoughts, feelings, and responses.

By giving in to anger or swearing, we train our minds to give in. Much like any addiction, the deeper you go in, the harder it is to break out. But train your mind according to the principles of Philippians 4.8-9, and you will have more strength to change your bad habits of swearing and anger.

[jimwalton]

Philippians 4.8: "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” If you truly have a desire to control your temper and your language, then you will train your mind to think godly thoughts. We can choose what to think about. What is in your mind is what comes to your mouth, and so the mind is the place to start. Your thoughts become your character. So fill your mind with pure and praiseworthy thoughts. Even when you are not angry, practice how you will respond to situations that usually make you angry. Think about better ways to speak and act. Don't consume media that just perpetuate and glorify what you are trying to get rid of. Meditate on the Word of God. And pray that the Lord will work in you and through you to bring about his good pleasure.

[Dickson Solomon]

Thanks, brother Walton. I will do exactly as you said.

[jimwalton]

2 Corinthians 10.5: "We take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." Don't be naive. The most important battle for what you seek, Dickson, is in the mind. The Holy Spirit, using our will by our permission, can take control of our thought life through prayer, and help us find victory there. It's your thought life that can wreak havoc on your language (swearing) and angry blow-ups. It's your thought life from which your mouth gets its ammunition. Paul speaks of your thought life as the battle ground where the spiritual battle is fought. He uses military imagery, as if our imagination that leads to thoughts are fortresses to be conquered and stripped of their power. I notice in the text that it is our action that is being called for: "we demolish...we take captive..." It's a warlike force that refuses to let a single captive escape. Satan loves to tear us apart, and he'll stop at nothing. We have to plant our feet (Eph. 6.11), and not let those destructive thoughts get a foothold (Eph. 4.27). It's an odd thought—to take our thoughts captive and force them to be obedient to Christ, but it's exactly what he's saying is necessary. Submit your thought life to Jesus.