by jimwalton » Thu Jul 12, 2018 1:37 pm
I was raised as a Christian, and taught about God from my earliest years. There were several times during adolescence and my 20s when I wrestled hard with the truth of it and my choice to believe. I came to the conclusion in those days because it made so much sense of life, sense of the world, seemed to portray existence in common with reality, described life with accuracy, and the evidence for the resurrection made sense to me, so I continued with Christianity.
About 12 years ago I went through a horrifyingly dark time in life: deep depression, got terrifyingly close to suicide, anger at God, frustration with prayer, wrestling with the Bible. I was very close to walking away from Christianity. What I couldn't get around was the evidence for the resurrection. As I continued to scream, cry, search, pray, read, and struggle, many things came clear to me. I continued with Christianity.
It was only after that time, say, in the past 10 years, that I've had this kind of prayer life, this kind of relationship with God, and the depth of understanding that I now have. Since then I have dived headlong and almost recklessly into reading all kinds of philosophy, science, and theology books, investigating other religions more thoroughly, interacting on forums like this, and journaling my experiences. My reasons for believing now are that I'm thoroughly convinced that the case for the existence of God is far stronger than the case against, the rationale for a creator is far more plausible than that of sheer natural processes, my study of the Bible makes me respect it more and more every day no matter how deep I go, my conversations on a forum like this cement my decisions in every more firmly as I interact with people who believe differently, and my experiences in life have confirmed my decisions to love Jesus, worship YHWH, honor the Bible, and live for Christ.