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[oldhead]

I think in our marrage of 55 years we had more sex after age 65, In year one every night,in year 5 to 25,3 times a week, taper of to twice till age 60 then 3 times untiil near age 80. I am 82 in stipp want it . My wife is now not able to, What should I do?

[oldhead]

This is part 2 of the question,Please 2 answers from you. Her mind is starting to go,at that time does your answer change to part 1?? Oldhead

[jimwalton]

Thanks for writing. I'm 64, so 20 years your younger, but still have been around the block a few times. We learn as we go.

Life, as I'm sure you know, has seasons. While those seasons don't always conform to my particular drives and desires, they happen anyway. I enjoyed sports when I was young, but can't do that so much any more. We didn't travel as much when we were younger, but now that we're older, our finances and schedule allow for more of it. We used to garden, but that has fallen by the wayside also. These seasons of life come and go.

Concerning sex, we know that the sex drive in me generally does not go away but in women it does. After the go through menopause, their sex drive slowly fades into the sunset. Not so for us. It stays strong in us unless we have some kind of biological issue that shuts it down, like prostate removal.

I find that the longer I'm married to my beloved wife, the more I want to show my love for her and to serve her. I want her to be happy, satisfied, and fulfilled. I want her to know how much I love her and defer to her. I do everything I can to show my devotion in the years we have left. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't so much care about what pleases me anymore; I care about what pleases her. Just as when we first started dating, I will do anything for her, to please her and to show my love.

You say she's not able to have sex any more, or shows no interest in it. That's a shame, because sex is a wonderful gift from God. But you can understand that sometimes these things pass us by, especially women, and we have to recognize there are so many parts of our marriage relationship now that are more important, especially is her mind is starting to go. She needs a certain kind of care and devotion from you. That's the season of life you are in now.

My mother died when she was 82, and my father was widowed. My mother-in-law was widowed when she was 85 (she is now 95). In those situations, I'm sure my father and my wife's mother still longed for hugs and kisses, for intimacy and company. But their season in life didn't give that option. We can only sometimes live with what life throws at us and do our best to love, to honor God, and to be a good husband and father, neighbor and friend. I'm truly sorry to hear about your wife's deterioration. It's hard.

As I mentioned, my wife and I are 64 and 65. We are feeling the effects of aging, and sometimes my wife mentions it. I remind her, "This was the goal. We wanted to grow old together. We knew that gradually we would lose what we used to have, but that was the point—to grow OLD together." I'd rather be with her and lose what we had (knowing that would happen) than to have lost her.

I hope that helps. We can talk more if you want.