Board index ‹ Marriage

[P-Cakes]

Hey man,what's the bible/ Christian definition of marriage? Asking for a friend...lol

[jimwalton]

You know, that's an awesome question.

The Bible never defines marriage for us. It just describes it. Here are some of the things it says.

• It's a holy covenant before God (Mal. 2.14). A Christian marriage honors God.
• It's between one man and one woman. This is in both the Old Testament (Gn. 2.25) and the New Testament (Jesus said it in Matthew 19.5; Paul said it in Ephesians 5.31).
• It's a love relationship of selflessness, mutual submission and sacrificial commitment (Eph. 5.21-33; 1 Cor. 13). Two people become one.
• It's a sexual union (Gn. 1.28) characterized by sexual purity (Heb. 13.4) and faithfulness to each other.
• It's supposed to be permanent (Mt. 19.6; Mal. 2.14).
• A believer is not supposed to marry an unbeliever (2 Cor. 6.14-18). The idea here is that too often the unbeliever will pull the believer away from Christ. Old Testament equivalent passages are Dt. 7:1-4 ; 13:6-11 ; 17:1-7 ; 20:17 ; 23:2.
• The idea is that each partner makes the other complete (Gn. 2.18; 1 Cor. 7.3-4).
• Neither partner is to exploit or abuse the other (1 Thes. 4.3-7).
• The husband in particular is expected to be Christlike in all things (Eph. 5.25-29; 1 Pet. 3.7)
• The two people take care of each other with compassion for the long haul (Eph. 5.21-33)
• A proper and honorable Christian marriage is ordained of God: Mt. 19.6: "What God has joined together..."

Well, that should get us started on the discussion.

[P-cakes]

Does it say that you need a piece of paper saying you are married? What did they do back in the day?

[jimwalton]

Back in the day marriage was always a legal ceremony. Every culture had some kind of tradition and ceremony by which they recognized the legitimacy of the relationship. It was important in their cultures to be able to prove legitimacy for inheritance and property ownership, so there was always some kind of formal recognition. According to the Bible, intercourse isn’t for people who are just in love. It’s for people who are married.

The writers of the Bible write with that assumption. When we hear about it, there always seems to be some kind of formalization. In the Old Testament, there was a community ceremony and an exchange of dowry and bride price. In Roman culture, marriage was legally defined by consent to be married and the appropriate legal actions and documents.

Jewish culture also had its rules and ceremonies. They had marriage certificates and gender roles expectations. The marriage was expected to involve provision of food (from both spouses), clothing, and love. Paul taught the same thing. He said that married couples owed each other love (1 Cor. 7.3-5) and material support (1 Cor. 7.33-34). There was always an expectation of a legalization of the relationship.

We shouldn't think a piece of paper is just a piece of paper, by the way, and rather meaningless. If I loan money to someone, there are two ways to do it. If I loan five dollars, and don’t care much about it, I only want a verbal promise to repay. But if I loan enough money to really care about, I’d like a legal piece of paper to affirm that promise. It doesn’t have to make us less friendly—it’s just an assurance that he’ll keep his promise. For any promise you name, marriage included, I’ll bet more on one with a "piece of paper" than one without. A piece of paper isn't a guarantee, of course, but it's a help. There are a lot of divorces despite pieces of paper. But many more marriages "last forever" than do those “living together” arrangements that aren’t cluttered with legality.

The piece of paper matters. It makes it legal, legitimate, and real. lf it's going to be "as long as we both shall live," the paper is an important part of that commitment.