Board index ‹ Family, Parents, and Children

[Careless]

Is the honour your mother and father commandment unfair to children of abusive parents?

[jimwalton]

I take the position that the command in Exodus 20.12 about honoring one's parents presumes that they are acting in a godly way. The command doesn't apply when the parents are mentally and physically abusive. Honoring one's parents is a key to social stability, and recognizing legitimate norms of authority is necessary for the success of society. The Bible teaches that all authority is delegated by God, and therefore is never absolute in and of itself. The idea behind the command is that godly parental authority on earth is a manifestation of God's goodness and authority in heaven. It's the same with government. But when government leaders turn evil, and when parents act in evil ways, God repudiates them. Giving honor is to say that someone is deserving of respect, attention, and obedience. A life that does not back up one's "honorable position" (parent, governor, policeman, teacher) is hypocrisy in the highest form, and honor is no longer appropriate.

We're supposed to honor our parents (who presumably are acting honorably) so that we learn to honor God (who is absolute good). If we learn how to rightly submit to just authority, it translates into our relationship with God. Parents are supposed to be the visible representatives of God for the exerting of authority that is righteous. But parents who act evilly lose the right to honor and are worthy of judgment.